I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
