Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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