Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
