that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
