uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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