if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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