Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
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