Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
