No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
