I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
