it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think I won the penis lottery.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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