I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Even my vagina gasped.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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