You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
