they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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