you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
