Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
