Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
