At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
