Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The struggles of a small town man whore
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
