had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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