we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
