Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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