Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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