hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
