I'm laying in your front yard are you home
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
