filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
