loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
