are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
my poor anus
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
