Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so let's talk penis.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
