It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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