Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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