pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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