I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
As shirtless as possible
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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