He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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