I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
