She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
