I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
