how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
