Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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