I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
