I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
