Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
