i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
