so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
