Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize