I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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