I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
