why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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