She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
