Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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