weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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