WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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