I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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