Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
