We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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